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15 in 5

September 5, 2013

Because I love a list. Especially a random list.

phoenix31. It isn’t awesome to start the season off with a loss. I didn’t cry about it, though. There’s a guy who did, on the radio. He called in and wept while describing the things he’d change about the UGA football program. Google him. It’s good. Or bad. Either way, it’s entertaining.
2. It’s not so bad to lose to a ranked team like Clemson. UGA-Clemson is a great rivalry, and Death Valley is a loud place. Good job, Tigers. Moving on.
3. I’m not particularly superstitious in general. I’ve never kept a pair of socks on for more than one tennis match. I always wear clean underwear. I won’t, however, make big plans to watch any Georgia game. Nearly every time I invite people over, cook a bunch of food, and go all out for a party, Georgia loses. We don’t just lose by a little, either. Within the first five minutes of play, the crowd is silenced, because it’s so bad. So I’ll be over in time for kickoff, and I’ll bring wine. And vodka watermelon.
4. I’d teach you how to make vodka watermelon, but I don’t want to influence any underage people out there. You can probably guess the recipe, but there IS a secret ingredient.
5. For those who noticed (and cared), I apologize for my absence a couple of weeks ago. I was sick. I never get sick for more than a day.
6. If you were glad I was gone, welp, sorry. I’m back.
7. Because I didn’t advertise it, many people wondered what happened to me. A very, very routine and common in-office minor surgery had some complications. I needed antibiotics and pain meds, but I survived. Four days in the hospital is no joke, but it isn’t the end of the world.
8. Because I didn’t advertise it, a few people asked if I was keeping my illness a secret. Just because it isn’t on Facebook, that doesn’t make it a secret. I’m an open book, with very few secrets. I don’t however, like to cause an unnecessary fuss.
9. Although they’re both wonderful, and I’ve enjoyed them before, I didn’t need a visit from the church or a meal calendar. There are people in our community who require those resources more than I did. It was nothing more than a few sick days.
10. The South is great. It’s impossible to refuse a hot meal or prayer shawl from a kind soul. Although always appreciated, there is such a thing as too much chicken casserole.
11. A long time ago, during bed rest with one of my pregnancies, someone actually brought us an unidentifiable meal. I won’t divulge the ingredients, mostly to protect the innocent, but also because I’m not really sure what they were. If it was supposed to be spaghetti sauce, there wasn’t any pasta. If it was supposed to be on sandwiches, there wasn’t any bread. If it was soup, it was, well, not soupy enough. Or something. I still wrote a thank you note, thanking the cook for a wonderful meal. That’s exactly what I said, too. “Thank you for the wonderful meal.” I didn’t know what else to call it.
12. I’m ever so grateful to those who kept the kids, brought us food, and called to check on me. Can this count as my thank you note? Calm down, lady. I’m kidding. I already sent a mass text to everyone who helped us.
13. Did you know that if you’ve been sick, there’s a greater chance you’ll get shingles? Now you know. Although I had a very mild case, I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. I think they have the vaccines at the pharmacies. If you’ve ever had the live chicken pox virus in your body, you can get shingles. You may’ve never had a single pock. If the virus was there, you can get it. Once you get it once, you can still get it again. It’s true.
14. Whether you care or not, you’re here, so I’ll tell you. I’m happy to be on the mend. Thank you notes are coming. If we didn’t ask for help, please don’t be offended. We knew you’d help if we asked. We just didn’t need to ask this time.
15. When your boy asks, “Are you fascinated by penises?” You’d better hope you aren’t distracted, ‘cause he could really mean “phoenixes,” as he’s been studying Greek mythology in his spare time. Pay attention; you’d hate to go down an unnecessary road. Cheers!

*originally published in The Metro Spirit, Augusta, Georgia

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