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Put your drinkin’ shoes on and leave the jean shorts at home

April 5, 2013

badgesIf you’re reading this and don’t live in Augusta, I’m going to assume that you’re a golf fan. If you’re not a golf fan, you’re probably married to one anyway. It’s not that there aren’t other reasons to come to town. It’s just that no one in their right mind would be here this week, braving the crowds, if they didn’t have any plans to hit the tournament (read: tunamint).

In fact, many Augustans get out of town. They spend weeks, months even, cleaning out closets, sprucing up yards and stocking up on new sheets and towels in preparation for renting their houses. It’s a lot of work, but it’s all worth it when you get a big, tax-free check from the renters.

Most people who stay do so because it’s a great week to live here. There are complainers (always are!), and everyone tries to avoid the traffic, but it’s basically one big adult spring break. Having beer during the day is more acceptable than usual. We usually offer perfect weather, although the pollen will be out of control. We move our televisions outside, eagerly anticipating the afternoon coverage.

We’re glad you’re here. I do have a couple of tips for you, though.

Please, forthelove, do not wear jeans (or worse, jean shorts) to the golf course. I’m not asking that you get all fancy or anything, but respect the sport. Khaki pants or shorts and a collared shirt for the guys, and dresses, skirts or nice shorts for the ladies. We like to call it Southern casual. Wear shoes you can walk in. ‘Cause you’re gonna walk a lot.

Speaking of shoes, ladies, leave your fancy heels at home. It’s completely acceptable for women to wear running shoes with a sundress. You’ll see people in golf shoes, too. This used to puzzle me, but spikes seem to handle muddy, smelly grass better than any other footwear.

If it rains, you’ll be glad you listened to me. I’ve had many friends who insisted on wearing cute shoes to match their outfit. They were the first ones to slip and fall in the stinky mud out there. If that happens, I can promise that none of your friends will leave the tournament, so you’ll be forced to walk around with what looks like a bad potty accident on the back of your precious sundress.

As it was last year, Tiger is a late favorite. Like him or not, golf is more exciting when Tiger’s playing well. But please, don’t cheer for him like you’re at a wrestling match. Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing better than the loud roar that follows a flawless putt. It’s the “Get it in the hole!” or “You da man, Tiger!” as soon as he tees off that is borderline offensive.

Speaking of loud roars, if you want to witness the cause of such excitement, don’t stand near me. I like to call them the Faraway Roars, because they always seem to happen far away from where I am. I have seen a couple of holes in one on 16, but otherwise, I wait to see the replay when I get home.

Just about everyone in Augusta will treat you with respect, kindness and southern hospitality. When done well, there’s nothing better. Please wave back, say thanks and don’t be afraid of conversation with a stranger. Ask for directions. We want to help and, especially this week, we love showing off our town.

Walton Way is Walton Way, Washington Road is Washington Road, and The Partridge Inn is the Partridge Inn. For some reason we don’t shorten them to Walton, Washington, or The Partridge. It is what it is.

Otherwise, have a big time. Enjoy our restaurants and bars. Relax in our houses, and know that hours went into making them yours. The azaleas are much more impressive than last year. The weather is supposed to be perfect. You’re welcome. Eat an egg salad or 10, and remember that a beer held too long will only get warm. Welcome, y’all!

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. Donna permalink
    April 5, 2013 7:22 pm

    Thank you, there are few things more atrocious than some yahoo yelling “get in the hole!”. I am so relieved to know that I am not the only one that is irritated beyond all frustration by that offensive statement!

    • Jenny permalink*
      April 6, 2013 1:07 am

      When I went to the National the first time, Tiger was set to win. It was also my first golf experience. I hadn’t ever played or watched someone else play. Hearing people yell “get it in the hole, Tiger!” could’ve ruined my experience had I not been in such a beautiful place!

  2. Lisa permalink
    April 5, 2013 8:50 pm

    What about green skinny jeans?

    • Jenny permalink*
      April 6, 2013 1:05 am

      I actually had this conversation with a friend tonight! I think that any colored skinny that isn’t denim is appropriate. Jeans have come a long way! I will be out there in my white skinnies, for sure!

  3. April 6, 2013 6:19 am

    Great story. Here we go again…….
    Edified and re-blogged at http://villageundertaker.wordpress.com/2013/04/06/that-time-of-year/

  4. Kelly permalink
    April 7, 2013 12:43 am

    I am shocked at all the people who wear jeans, jean shorts, and no collar shirts at the Masters. I wish the Augusta National would enforce the PROPER golf dress code at the most prestigious golf tournament in the world and not allow these people to enter the grounds. Don’t even get me started on them allowing women to be members.

    • Jenny permalink*
      April 7, 2013 12:49 am

      But an enforced dress code would give me WAY less to talk about! 😉 Thanks for reading!

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  1. That Time Of Year | A Simple, Village Undertaker

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