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15 in 5

March 27, 2013

Because I love a list. Especially a random list.

  1. Just because you and I are sitting at the same bar doesn’t mean you should participate in my conversation. Bars don’t always = buddies. I was talking to her, not you. Listen if you may, because Lord knows I’m probably eavesdropping, too, but forthelove, at least try to be discreet. If we seem to be ignoring you, we probably are.
  2. Shouting “Oy Vey!” at the ashtray does nothing for your credibility either, dude.
  3. Seriously, what is up with this weather? I fell for Phil’s end-of-winter prediction, too. I feel used.
  4. A young girl at the (dreaded) mall left the security tag on my pants. I realized it right before a very important meeting. The store manager offered to come to my house to remove it. She tried to teach easy removal over the phone. It didn’t work. I ripped the pants in the process, so I went to the mall, and she replaced them. I still made the meeting.
  5. The previous day, as I was trying on said pants, six or seven security tags fell out of the pocket. I alerted the previously mentioned young girl and assured her that I was not the thief. She was clearly flustered by the apparent theft.
  6. I hope the store manager learned what seems to be an obvious lesson. Something is amiss with the security. Not only was someone able to remove several difficult to remove security tags (I tried, remember), but I made it out of and back into the store without the peep of a store alarm.
  7. I did get a couple of 20% off coupons for my extra effort. The thieves got a better deal.
  8. Thou shalt not steal.
  9. The 5’ risen Jesus was stolen from my church last week. It’s not funny but definitely fodder for jokes, given the time of year. We all must find Jesus.
  10. Please bring Jesus back. He can take care of you without being present in statue form. Besides, I’d imagine there isn’t much of a black market for 5’ tall risen Jesus statues. It’s not like you can display it or anything.
  11. Thou shalt not steal.
  12. In the past month, The Boy has had lunch with a politician and our mayor. John Barrow asked him what he wanted to be when he got older. He told him he didn’t know. When Mayor Deke mentioned hearing that he wanted to be POTUS, he simply said, “I’m planning on it.” He finds these lunches to be necessary steps on his path to political success.
  13. Barrow told us to come see him the next time we’re in D.C. I’m sure he tells that to all the kids, but guess who actually believed him?
  14. The other day, my tennis team had a match at Newman Tennis Center. When we arrived, after parking in the upper lot between the courts and Forest Hills Golf Course, we were asked to move our cars or be towed. We have always parked there. I understand that Forest Hills GC is a private facility, I really do. I also understand that Newman is a city owned facility. It was Wednesday morning at 9am. Those parking spaces weren’t in high demand. I’m sure there’s a “good” reason for this, but to me, it looks like silliness. When we asked the Newman employee about it, she said she didn’t “know why, but they would definitely tow our cars.” If it had been a Saturday morning or Masters week, the spaces might have been needed by FHGC. It wasn’t, though. We needed approximately eight spaces. Instead, we moved our cars across the nearly empty parking lot. Talk about pedaling the bike backwards. Seriously, Augusta.
  15. Can’t we all get along? Cheers!


One Comment leave one →
  1. Colleen permalink
    March 28, 2013 10:18 am

    Most importantly, when you returned to said mall to exchange said ripped pants, were you pants-less? That makes the visual more hilarious to me. 🙂 xo

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