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Is it me you’re lookin’ for?

March 14, 2013

michaeljacksonjenny“Hello?” I answered our rarely used and definitely unnecessary home phone.

“Who is this?” An angry sounding man was barking at me!

“I should ask you the same question.” Um, did you just call me?

He yelled at me. He wanted to know why I called his cell phone. I insisted (begged, really) that no one used this phone at all today. He cussed. He said I was lying. He was rather upset. He hung up on me.

Since I was home alone, I knew his accusations were untrue. I could’ve just let it go, but I wanted to prove it to him. After all, he was nasty to me. I opened the caller ID and hit redial on the most recent number.

Now he was really mad. He was screaming “NOW YOU ARE BOTHERING ME AT WORK! LEAVE ME ALONE!” I calmly said I was sorry to bother him again and assured him that he would feel really stupid when he realized that number A and my number didn’t match up. I hung up on him. That’ll teach him.

This same rarely used home number is wrongly dialed nearly every other day. I especially love when people do the “well, is this number xxx-xxxx?” Obviously not. If it was, we wouldn’t be talking now would we?

Have you ever been mistaken for someone else? I must have distinct similarities in equal parts to your friend from college, Karen Allen (Raiders of the Lost Ark, Scrooged), someone you’ve met somewhere before, and Michael Jackson, because it happens to me a lot.

“You look just like…”

It happened to me just the other day. I walked to up to the clubhouse at my tennis match, and there was a lady very frantically – and happily – waving to me. She had her arms above her head,  back and forth, back and forth, and she smiled from ear to ear. She didn’t look at all familiar to me, so I just kept walking. The problem was I was walking toward her. She kept waving (and smiling). In a necessarily discreet way, I turned around to see if anyone else was coming. Nope.  It was early enough in the morning and one of our coldest days yet. No one else was playing tennis. She was looking at me.

I searched my in-brain rolodex. Have I played her before? Are her kids the same age as The Boy and The Girl? I was approaching her quickly and couldn’t come up with a thing. She was still waving.

After climbing the stairs and finally reaching her, she shouted “Congratulations!” and flashed a huge grin. Please keep shouting the well-wishes, but, forthelove, take off your dadgum sunglasses.

She told me that I did a great job the day before and she was so proud of me. Honestly, this had the makings of a beautiful friendship. If only I knew her name. I had to fess up. I smiled and admitted my confusion. “Um, I’m sorry, but I’m dying to know what I did that was so awesome. It’s not really important, because the positive attention is delightful, but I must admit that I don’t know what the heck you are talking about!” I raised my sunglasses and hoped she would follow suit. Instead, she tilted her head in a bless-your-heart way, rubbed my arm, and congratulated me on the previous day’s tennis victory. She was so sweet. She was also wrong.

I saw her bless-her-heart and raised her an I-hate-to-embarrass-you. “Oh, I don’t play on the Thursday team anymore, so it couldn’t have been me. Thank you for the kind words, though.”

We laughed. She admitted that my hair was much shorter than the girl she remembered, but said we looked an awful lot alike. I wish her earlier words had been a premonition. I lost the tennis match. She and her partner were better than mine and me, but I was horribly uncoordinated that day. It’s too bad I didn’t resemble a better player.

I don’t mind being mistaken for someone famous. During his scandalous times, MJ wasn’t the celeb of choice (RIP MJ), but Karen Allen earned me a free bloody mary once. That, my friends, is worth any confusion you might have. Besides, I don’t mind the occasional misdirected compliment. I’ll set you straight eventually.

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