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15 in 5

October 19, 2011
  1. Did you know that self-checkout doesn’t mean express checkout?  It’s true.  I had a friend tell me that I’m a jerk for taking my cart through that line, as it’s meant for those only with a few items.  If that’s the case, why is there a turnstile that holds 6 bags?  I haven’t seen a sign that says express, except on the aisle next to self-checkout that is clearly marked “Express Lane.”
  2. My apologies to all patrons of the Wrightsboro Road Vallarta last Tuesday night.  We knew when we made the plans that we’d be hated.  Any time you have almost 30 people, more than half of which are kids, it’s bound to be loud.  At least we were off to the side, in a semi private area!
  3. I’m really, really bad about checking voicemail.  If you need to reach me, you can text me.  Otherwise, just assume that I’ll see the missed call and ring you back.
  4. The school nurse sent a note home asking if we could be sure to send The Girl to school in socks, so her feet won’t get dirty or sweaty.  Um, they’re feet.  Tomorrow, I’ll be sure to leave her lunchbox empty of all food, so as to avoid getting food in the teeth.
  5. So there was this (extremely overweight) kid at Publix shoving candy in his pocket. There wasn’t another adult in sight.  I nicely asked if he’d paid for it; I knew he hadn’t.  I caught him twice more, and kindly asked him if he thought that was a good idea.  His motherish figure finally surfaced, telling me to mind my own business.  Next time, instead of quietly giving your boy another chance, I’ll go straight to the manager.
  6. My neighbor and dear friend had a birthday this weekend.  Happy, happy Auntie Doctor S!
  7. I think that making lists is a great form of writing.   If you’re not partial to a list, remove the numbers and call it an essay of jumbled thoughts.
  8. September’s best search terms:  “wash floor no knickers” (does this mean I have a British following?), “when did you discover mommie without panties,” and “is there a word for when you can’t stand the noise of someone crunching food near you” (yes, it’s called AWFUL).
  9. If cheaters never win, why do they bother?
  10. Just about the only time I’ll get fired up in a tennis match is if the opponents are cheating.  Especially if they’re winning.
  11. The Boy is slightly obsessed with the United States, our presidents, and the government.  We just got an email from Johnny Isakson’s people, letting us know that we have appointments for (free) tours of the White House and Capitol.  Did you know that they’ll organize that for their constituents?  The Boy is going to flip his lid.
  12. I have been trying to get these damn Cub Scout badges sewn on a shirt for weeks.  Apparently they make a no-sew product called Badge Magic.  It’s peel and stick.  Now why wouldn’t the scout store tell me that when I bought the badges?
  13. It’s sad that Steve Jobs won’t be around to share his brilliance with us anymore.  He left a great legacy.  Even cooler is the heightened awareness for organ donation.  It can either prolong or save a life. Become an organ donor!
  14. Someone on facebook (Lord, facebook is annoying) said “Steve Jobs was ahead of the curb.”   Yep, just dwellin’ in the gutters.  Bless.
  15. Speaking of facebook, everyone is all up in arms about the new format.  There were privacy issues, which seem to be fixed.  Otherwise, you’re gonna have to deal with it, people.  You aren’t the customer here.  You’re the product.
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