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Confessions of a carpool snoop

April 21, 2011

Carpool in Augusta is an adventure. Some people get there very early, an hour before school lets out just so they can be the first in line. Others come screeching up at 3:30, their child still standing on the sidewalk wondering every single day if Mom forgot them. I fall somewhere in the middle. I don’t want to waste an hour of my time sitting in the line, but I do like getting out of there and home at a reasonable time. In that time that I spend sitting and waiting, people watching is at its best.
There are the cheaters. Cheaters cut through the line instead of waiting like the rest of us. Cheaters also sit in the lower lot and walk to get their kids in order to avoid the line. I’m not sure how I get some sort of status in life that makes my time more valuable than others’, but sign me up. I’d like to thank the person who put nails in the cheater cut-thru, because watching said cheater get a flat tire was supremely satisfying.
Most of the time, people wait with their windows down. For a super nosy person like me, this is awesome. I’ll admit to getting out of the car to “check something on my car” so I can walk around and hear better. Once, a lady was raising all sorts of hell about her child getting in trouble for cursing at school. She didn’t like the way it was handled. All the while, as she’s telling the story, it’s pretty obvious that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. She is angry. She causes such a stir that people are visibly uncomfortable and a teacher finally comes over and asks her to keep it down. You can imagine how much she liked that. A dispute ensued just as the students were approaching the cars. As her child got in the car she perked up, saying “Hey Sexy!” Sexy? Not only is he ten but he is your SON. I wonder where he learned the bad behavior?
When the windows are rolled up, it’s like people think they can’t be seen. They are GLASS, people, not wood. People pick their noses all the time and there’s one lady who flosses and plucks her mustache hair each day. One day, it was particularly quiet and I was craning my neck looking for some entertainment. A lady a couple of cars over was seemingly picking her teeth but with some flair that caught my eye. With further investigation (what is wrong with that back tire? I should get out and check), she was actually removing her teeth, over and over, in and out. All of her teeth.
I used to read books while sitting in line but have learned that it’s much more interesting to talk with friends and people watch, enjoying the peace before The Boy and The Girl get in the car. If I didn’t I’d miss the lady who told her young toddler to “get his butt back in the bed” or the cheaters being lectured by the principal for cutting in line. Most of the people in line are perfectly reasonable people. Every once in awhile this nosy girl gets lucky.

(Jill Zarin)

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One Comment leave one →
  1. September 22, 2011 10:34 pm

    Good to know I’m not alone in the carpool line. When I can finally turn of my A/C, I will gladly listen in on the conversations of others!

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